The million dollar question ~ WHY on earth would you let people you had a horrible relationship with in the past rob you of a great relationship now?
The difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge is
FREEDOM!!! Sweet glorious stand in the rain and wash me clean FREEDOM!!!
Head knowledge keeps us in our heads where we can war with the flesh and all our damage and by fear justify everything even victimization. Head knowledge that never makes it to the heart is useless. It will never get you where you are destined to be because without heart there’s no honey. They didn’t have enough heart to go into the promised land. It was right before their eyes. What is right before your eyes that you are going to let pass you by because you see giants in the land?
Miracles and changed lives happen in the heart where the Spirit draws and leads. I know I AM ONE. WOW! what changes in my life this year. What heartache and disappointment but what PEACE! The treasures we lay up in heaven and eternal perspective happen in the heart. The head is where the trappings of the world and our damage lodge until we kick them out by forgiving and being free to love. THE whole thing can be summed up in one word.
UGH NOT THAT WORD! you don’t know what I have done or been through!!!
Let me say I probably know more than you imagine and if you can imagine it I can say I have probably experienced it at my own hands or the hands of others. We all come from a story that isn’t “Leave it to Beaver” or “Andy Griffith”
FOR ME that distance from my head to my heart seemed like miles much of my life. I can’t tell you the sleepless hours and loneliness I felt. I can’t tell you the ways I tried to build a bridge from one to the other. Life was so stuck in a never ending conversation in my head that went something like this.
Why couldn’t it be different? Why did the people who were supposed to love me so broken? Why did I get stuck in the situation I was in life? Why couldn’t I have normal parents? Why was it so hard to love me? Why am I always hurt. WHY WHY WHY on and on
Why was the beginning of every sentence and the end was always the same.? Oh I beat why to death. It frustrated me at times and sank my life at others. How was the twin to why. How could this happen again to me? How could they not love me? How could they not see me? How could people neglect a child? How could my brother drown because my Dad let him? That doubt and fear was the wrecking ball causing all of the why’s and how’s that kept me defeated. I was my own worst enemy!
I could get a good feeling for a bit but the problem with that is this. You can’t feel your way though life. Feelings are fickle and tricky. They ride in on emotions that launch from our damage and lies told to us that we have leaned on. They enjoy playing like children in the conversation in the head that keeps us down and unproductive.
Feelings always have to follow foundational things that do not flee. TRUTH brings FREEDOM and feelings always have to follow. Truth is always first. You will follow what you believe. Believe TRUTH.
The truth sets you free because it always leads instead of follows feelings. Again the cure is CHOICE. It shouldn’t surprise us that the same thing that brought us to CHRIST ….. CHOICE…… is the same thing that keeps us healthy in Him. ……CHOICE. …..
What are the choices?
The first is to let go. Yeah this is where you want to scream and hit me. But I know by experience that this works. Simply let go of what ever is stopping you and keeping you down. What ever self defeats your purpose, passion and proceeding in life. We make letting go so hard but it’s simple. Jesus didn’t die for you to stay broken. His kingdom doesn’t do a half baked saving job. HE saves and restores, cooperate with his plan. Your’s isn’t working. I know mine sure didn’t. My plan kicked my life all over the map.
You always have the choice to hang on and continue spinning your wheels in the rut you have dug or that has been dug by damaging people for you. You can stay in the bad thinking and mire that keeps you bound and blocks love. Or you can CHOOSE to break free by making a decision to break free. Choose to stop letting the people who have hurt you in the past affect your future. The million dollar question…. drum roll…. .
WHY on earth would you let people you had a horrible dysfunctional relationship with in the past rob you of a great loving relationship now?
Who are they to do this to you???? Why do they have power over you??? The answer is because that is what you have learned to do. You have learned to live as they have taught you to live. The power you give them is the reason for a lot of hurt and damage in your life.
YOU can now CHOOSE to live differently. You can relearn and be restored. If you can’t choose this then God has perpetrated the biggest lie on the entire universe. Hang it up turn off the lights and close the door. REALLY? HECK NO! Get a grip and a clue. They have hurt you and caused you great baggage but you can throw it away and choose forgiveness for you. FORgive them FOR you. Let them off your hook with all of their crazy damaging definitions of who you are or who you are supposed to be and be WHO YOU ARE meant to be. Stop playing the tapes in your head! GOD put you here for much more than to be held back by people who do not give it one thought to hurt you.
Don’t abandon yourself.
This may be the difference between having wasted life and a GREAT life.
Show up in your own life and start writing a new story. One of hope and freedom and forgiveness. Please contact me if you want to know more about this. My heart is for you to be free and I can tell you how freedom happened for me.
Does it get any better than this?
A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
When I inherited this plant it was just about root bound. All of the roots were intertwined and I wasn’t sure if I could separate them. They were all so accustomed and adapted to each other that they literally were in knots. I began to separate them and heard a terrible tearing ripping sound. I wondered the whole time if I had damaged them beyond repair. It took quite a while to get them all as individual plants. When I do things like this I seem to go to another place in my thoughts. As I was tearing the roots apart I began thinking about my own life and how deeply my roots were established in areas of my life. By the time I was 40 my root system was well established in all of the lives and people I had journeyed with so far. It was a great ripping away to suddenly see life change overnight. Yet as I worked on separating the plants I realized a great truth I had learned. Although the plants did okay in the pot all mingled together. Each was choking off the other and the plants had grown just about as far as they could all being so compacted in one small pot. I was thinking about how small we let the world become sometimes and how complacent we get thinking there is just a small life out there and a comfortable existence. As I separated the plants and repotted each of them in a new container. It was amazing how transforming that was for them. They each became what they were supposed to in their own container and thrived in a new way better than before. I had to smile as I thought about all of the new roots my life has grown in the last 10 years and how differently it is planted now than it was before then. Not that my life is all I desire because I still have a lot of heart’s desires. The ripping away of my roots was painfully hard. The only thing I knew for a long time was pain. As I think back about those plants. Once each was separated into a new container they required different levels of care to get them back healthy again. What one needed was inappropriate for the other. That is a huge lesson I am still learning as I try to help others.
Here’s the challenge in life when we are ripped out of our normal existence. Allow yourself to be replanted in a new life that GOD carves out for you. That’s easier said than done I know. Allow yourself to bloom again. I can’t do this without being connected to the body of Christ and plugged into his WORD.
I love the verse in Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified
You know some mysterious things have happened in the last couple of years to me. Some of them defy rational explanation. You can’t make this stuff up. You don’t know what to think or where it’s coming from but this thing you know and do. You know GOD is in control and you move forward. I have seen a lot in my short years. I have seen the best and worst sides of this temporal life. GOD has humbled me in the most unusual ways (maybe usual ways to Him) No matter what comes your way, whether you get an explanation or not, whether it makes sense or not….. we have to remember the eternal perspective, take the lumps and go on in life. If we let the temporal drama interfere with the daily task ahead we will become ineffective and off our race. Jeremiah 8 talks about a man that won’t get up when fallen and that doesn’t ask for directions to get back on the path he’s supposed to be on. I have learned that what happens in life doesn’t have to make sense or slow my life down. Dear ones have a single heart, single purpose and stay by the stuff.
It’s never ok to play with someone’s heart. Dangling hopes, dreams and desires before someone who has prayed for a while for those things is bound to hurt them and confuse them. That’s never honest and never compassionate regardless of your intentions. You have to be careful with matters of the heart when you are engaging people. You don’t know what makes and breaks a person or what could hurt them deeply and interrupt their race. Honesty has to be the basis for everything. You should know yourself and where you are headed. If your head and heart are disconnected you will move ahead of your heart a divided person. There may be good reason you are divided, explore that division and find out what direction you should head. Never start a race you are not willing to run. I try to be aware of this as much as I can but sometimes miss the mark and I understand others can as well. We have to forgive people when they do this and hope they will forgive us as well. It’s explained by the fact that the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked according to the Bible. With all the knowledge I have there are still times I am knocked off my feet. We long and desire some great things in this life and having those things isn’t wrong, but be ready and able before involving someone else who is ready to have them. I know people have good intentions and do not intend to hurt others. Yet still we have to own it to grow and learn. Intentions are not meaningful if the person never sees or knows them. People can misjudge you quicker than trust you. They may only know what we said or did. Hindsight is 20/20. The Lord tells us to guard our heart and we have to be careful with where we place our trust or how we are drawn into a persons life. We have to be able to tell if someone is being truthful with us and if they are making a decision from wholeness or brokenness. Listen to that voice that says, wait or not now. That’s our accountability. We also have to be careful with our own weakness. If we are treading where our desire and past hurts collide we can potentially put ourselves in an unhealthy situation and not realize it until we are hurt deeply. We may hurt others deeply as well. Ugh, this stinks too.
I have never understood the concept of throwing people away. Even people who have done some pretty terrible things. I hope and pray I never do! I understand healthy boundaries. I understand separation, enabling and codependency. That is not what I am talking about here. I understand solving disagreements with clear kind compassion that sets those boundaries. I am talking about judging and sentencing a person without fairness. Even as humans we can show mercy if we choose and hear out a person.
I am glad my Father’s love is perfect and that he understands my heart and weaknesses and doesn’t just wad me up like a piece of paper throw me and all of the good things about me away because of his anger or because I was impatient with him or because I crossed a line. Truth is I am going to be impatient once in a while, I will cross lines at times and I will cause anger. It is never my heart to do these things but I am not a super Christian. I am truly a lamb who needs her Shepherd. I am a loving gal who is imperfect and still seeking and growing in this journey. I don’t and won’t always get it right but no one who has ever stayed in my race will say I failed to forgive and love through the rough spot. I really don’t know how else to do it but to love through. The truth most people miss or do not take time with in this life is when they are misjudged. As bad as I can be and as much as I can fail, I pray Lord, let me learn to love like you do more each day! I am amazed at the great love of GOD! Some of my best friendships were born out of misunderstanding. Take time to work through things that offend and realize you are filtering everything with your own stuff. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a trite saying to me. I say go the extra mile and love them through not only the doubt but through what they can’t see. If a person can’t see it and receive you, then LOVE ANYWAY. You can be hurt and rejected but that’s ok. Here’s the thing ~ He is my God and is the God of second chances and even as unworthy as I am, I get a second, third, fourth, hundredth, chance with Him because he alone is faithful and true to offer it. He can’t violate his word and withhold it from me. His restoration and resurrection are principles he wants in my life to get me to where I need to be in his purpose and plan. It’s a check he can write and cash because of his Son Jesus. He is able to offer it because he loves me and has proven his love with a cross. He sincerely cares and loves me with undivided compassion. He offers grace that abounds beyond my sin and that sustains me in hard times. I am thankful God sees past my shortcomings to my real heart and knows my desires. I am thankful God loves through. I am thankful for the journey and once again I have to start on it, knowing that should God provide that second chance, it will come in a way that is right for me by someone who has a heart like his and will treat me like He treats me. The world will throw you away but God’s love never fails and it reaches even an imperfect sinner like me. I am thankful for people in my life now who have God’s heart and can show me his love even when I fail. I love them dearly and wow! what an honor to race with them and be taught by them!
There’s a lot of shame and blame in this world. I am thankful Jesus rose past it as a perfect example and endured it for my sake so I would have a way to race and finish well. He loved through.
1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
A wise pastor used this phrase with me once and it never has left. It was in regard to relationships and life in general. Timing is very important and can’t be dismissed. I believe life happens in seasons. A few months ago I was sailing in a very calm water that was very content. Right now I am in a transition season on two fronts and it is very difficult. I still love life, meet it head on and seek the Lord but the bouncy joy I generally have is a bit quieter. These seasons are for our good and growth. God knows what it takes to mold a man or woman and is passionate to do that. Much of my blog has been about that molding process. Whether I bring it on or it’s a God appointment, one thing for sure, my God loves me and wants me to grow more like him. If I didn’t know that I would never have peace and joy. I have been thinking about the Scriptures below and see in them another phrase that I use quite often. “It is what it is”
The Bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick and we have to realize that time is a precious commodity and not allow ourselves to hope our time away waiting. I have been doing that lately. I have been hoping for a future instead of living in the now. Reading below you find more than a romantic notion. You find that we are to actively move through our time. We are to do the actions in the verses below not let them be done to us. The Bible says also to redeem the time because the days are evil. We are not left here to limbo through anything. God’s Word is clear that we are to live purposely because one day this life is over. One day we give an account. I want to hear well done. I believe for me the will of God is to do the next right thing, then the next right thing.
As a dear lamb of God, he teaches me over and over that the secret to life is letting go. When my hands cling to what I want I am saying no to God. When I hold on to my own way and ideas about how things should be and what looks proper or what I deserve (or don’t deserve) I am saying I know better than God what is best for me. Freedom and surrender are very close cousins. We have to free ourselves from ideas that bind us or box God in, we have to surrender that God might just do something we never expected in a way that only seems right to Him.
Dear ones before it is too late and the river of time carries something away from you that God wanted you to have, open your heart and mind to His provision and his grace for you. Let him restore you. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Only God does. Above all use your time wisely. Be restored by God and stop saying no. Don’t play God with your life or your time. The time to live is now.
Fish or cut bait is a term about stopping something that is futile. I say if you cut bait continue to fish where it makes sense to you and is planned by God. Never stop fishing. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
13And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
14I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
15That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
16And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there
I wrote this article last year for a Christian internet dating site. I have edited it with a few more thoughts. I think it bears repeating. I am not trying to discount getting to know someone through dating sites. Studies show that people who meet on Eharmony for example have a higher success rate than meeting in person. Yet at some point people have to go toe to toe and eye to eye to dance in the minefield of relationships. That’s all I am saying here. Dating sites are a tool at best. Don’t get the cart before the horse.
Sometimes you have to use common sense. I know this will go over like a lead balloon. Internet dating sites lend themselves to serious discernment problems. You can’t have a “relationship” with someone you have never met. You can feel deeply, feel strongly, and all kinds of things but you can’t have a relationship with a chat box or phone call or even a few phone conversations. Relationships take quality time and take one on one interaction, and eventually growth together in person. That simply can not happen online where aspects of personality and character can not be seen. It’s far too important a matter to play roulette with. At some point you have to meet and see where the relationship might go.
Miracles happen and things stranger than fiction have. Generally speaking that’s the exception more than the rule. You can at best develop an “acquaintance friendship” Friendships take a long time to form and relationships even longer. Online one might jump right into the latter without the former and begin roles never assigned to them if in real time. The problem with this kind of thinking is that you can give your heart over to a person you have not met because you are living in a pseudo fantasy land and wind up with disaster.
A person can expect you to fill a certain role based on where their heart is and they wind up with a disaster. This creates chaos, distraction from the LORD and folks get hurt that way. Be mature, respectful, and direct in these things. Do not play games or expect mind reading. Guard your heart, use your brains, and above all remember this is the Internet.
We have to understand God’s heart for us is not to walk into a disaster. Disaster that often breeds with the availability of Internet anonymity. Too many can “be all they wanted to be” vs. be real. I know I have used the word “fantasy land” before but that is because there is no word to describe the plane that the Internet affords. It’s still being defined. What I do know about and have seen is the brokenness of people who have played in this media and found themselves hurt. I have seen it and experienced it. I think the Internet’s own virtue is it’s own demon. The fact that you can connect with so many on so many different levels because you aren’t distracted by the physical. I have a couple of long term friends that I have come to know as kindred brothers and sisters in the LORD but I know how rare that is and given their character I am thankful they are real. I have met them both and to me they are extended family. Even those friendships are 8 years old and did not foster overnight.
Men, if you are reading this understand intelligent women are not just protecting their heart but yours as well if they are wise enough to hold back. A weaker woman will create you as a white knight in shining armor. A strong woman will still develop ties that are going to cause her heartache if she doesn’t make healthy choices. That is unfair for you and her. Yet if a woman can’t see at best all people have armor that has rust spots and chinks she will get herself involved with someone who isn’t real.
Women, if you are reading, understand words are just words. Action reveals what a person truly believes and exposes their character. Until you are in person, you really have words and maybe a bit of knowledge about them. Be aware of sites that offer too many contacts which also offers too many distractions. Juggling men will lead to being perplexed. One pursues you that you are not interested be honest and cut that off. It’s not fair to make people an option. Another delays pursuing you because to him you are an option. The old saying goes, “never make someone a priority who only makes you an option” A third guy is great but keeps you clueless. Shake hands, be friends and move forward. Some say that they are not ready for anything but are on a dating site fishing. . Don’t be insecure about that, understand it’s good news. Clarity is much better than guessing. This division of the heart is not good for a woman to bring into her life. God is not the author of confusion. A man will seek what matters to him. He may not do it at your speed but you will know if he’s interested or not. No need to sell yourself, throw yourself at him. If a man isn’t casting a net in your pond the best thing you can do is gratefully accept that.. Know yourself and your God who will provide the desires of your heart. I know I am not winning friends with this post. I love people, love the LORD and had to get it out there.
Men approach relationships different. I don’t pretend to know what all of those differences are. I just know that women aspire to relationships emotionally more than men I think. (keep in mind this is my own opinion and observation)
The goal should be though if CHRISTIAN to do it in a Godly way vs, worldly way. You can’t trade urgency for real passion, heart, fun and companionship. Rushing a relationship is like lighting a short fuse. I for one do not want to be the cause of anyone being hurt and want to do things in a way that lasts beyond the fireworks and pleases GOD. If I had to draw lines to do that I just can’t apologize for that. Passion in it’s place is well worth the wait.
I think a woman should be pursued and found as a treasure. Keep your options open until you meet a person and see their life first hand. Be careful out there.
Sometimes being me isn’t easy lol.
I asked a question recently of some of you. Do you really love God and how do you know?
I pondered that with my finite brain for a few days and although this isn’t a definitive answer I do believe it approaches the subject.
My first thoughts were about the power of words. I decided long ago in my teens that I wanted to be an encourager. I had grown up with so much negativity I didn’t want anyone to be reduced by my words. I know the power of words because I have been damaged by some things said to me.
God says so much about words.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
Bridle the tongue
Iron sharpens iron
But exhort one another while it is called today.
Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you should answer every man.
Be ye doers of the word and not hearers only
There is safety in a multitude of counselors
Speak the truth in love
The list is much longer, but this will become a book instead of a little bit of sharing.
Here’s where my brain went with this.
Words are powerful
The Word was in the beginning, The Word and the Holy Spirit to interpret that Word, is what God left us until the end.
I know lately I have been greatly affected by words. I guess because I do try to be very careful what I say to others and I try to be careful how I treat everyone. I try to make sure what I am saying is something I can back up with my actions. I watch for that in other people too. I know we all fail sometimes.
There are many catch phrases in life, such as someone can’t make you happy, or sticks and stones blah, blah, blah, actions speak louder than words. I really don’t wholly accept these phrases because God admonishes us to be careful with our words. A person can with words hurt you. In 46 years I have been told and reinforced of all my short comings. Lol. I can long remember the hurtful things, and cherish the few nice things said to me.
Words do shape our courses just as the tongue is compared to the rudder of a ship. Such a little thing can steer our thoughts and actions. It is up to us to weigh and place value or power if you will into what others have said, but we are also responsible for what we say. Believe me ACTIONS do SPEAK. Remember conversation in the Bible is translated, manner of life, or if you will actions.
So where am I today? Well in light of some things said to me I would have to say I am being reinforced and trained at least by words I am hearing and have been even distracted with the message I have been receiving lately. I know we all say things we don’t mean, but a consistent message does get conveyed when it’s repeated. What message are we giving God if we truly love him? What message are we giving others if we love them?
Please think about it. I am saying this. You can tell by a persons words, how they feel about you, if they respect you, if they want you, if they value you, if they cherish you, if they love you, if they hate you, if they are annoyed with you, if you mean anything at all to them. You have to know that your words are a revelation to a person just as God’s words are a revelation to us. All of his intentions and longings and desires for us are in His written word.
People act on what they believe. What do you believe?
My well has been dry for a while and I can say hearing anything nice would be a drink of refreshing water.
God bless you all. Treat each other with charity.