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Natalie Grant sings the song Held about a true story of a woman losing her 2 month old infant. We have all been there where we have cried out to God at those times when we knew no where else to turn. The dead end of desperation sometimes drives us to God in the hard seasons. Or it drives us to things that can’t answer the soul’s need.

We all have been in situations where only God could heal or rescue and He doesn’t. We have all said goodbye to someone we loved too soon whether they died or left our story. We have watched dreams pass through our hands like grains of sand. Losing things you hold dear like family, loved ones and friends is the toughest for me. Being physically alone and my sole support makes the journey harder too sometimes. The tearing away is hard and when I write that I really feel for and respect the valley. The realization that you can’t change what is about to happen can almost be gut wrenching. There is something that brings a feeling so raw and real when we suffer serious loss. “When the sacred is torn from our lives and we survive.” We have passed from death to life, is this really life?

It does raise a question in us or at least is does me. The answer is always the same though dear ones. My Father is in control. I might have to be held by that understanding alone right now! I’ve learned from the past that it’s ok, God is always holding me. I can trust his control.  I am in a hard season that started yesterday. I had been on a break, been on the mountain,  that I am grateful for but God is about my growth and walk with him. I already know he is not going to rescue me from this storm. It will come and he will walk out to meet me in it and walk with me back to the boat, but this is my storm and it’s coming. I know that I know that I know that whatever happens he is my God and I am his precious daughter. What I might define as disaster he defines as destiny. He’s the Savior who walked Peter on the water in the storm, the one who weeped over those who were weeping when Lazarus was called forth from the tomb. My God is the one who asked the disciples to wait and watch one hour while he prayed and sweated blood in the garden.

Just as I would without a doubt give my life for my children, My GOD who gave his life for me does the same. Where is the hope then?

The hope is not in the happening. What is going on right now is not the real story. The real story is that GOD is forming and molding me through this hard season to glorify him and also to be more like him.

I have a love hate relationship with that process. I totally love GOD and embrace it with joy that he would love me enough to use everything even my sorrow to mold me. I do not love the pain to be honest but the journey from grace to glory went through a garden and a cross. Should I expect anything less messy when he asked me to take up my cross? I am settling down for this storm knowing that it will end and the skies will clear and my life will be what God wants for me because this lamb is following her Shepherd no matter what happens. In the past I tried to calm the sea but I have learned if you are sinking you drown the more you squirm.

In these times when it doesn’t make sense and I can’t see in the darkness I go to the rock and know that he can. My darkness is light to him.

Psalms 139:12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

There might be tears and I may call on close friends to pray for me but I will not be moved. I will stand on the promise that he is faithful. I already know that I will post something in the future that will reveal how my GOD stood by me. For right now I am telling God everything because I know that he can take it. I am digging in the WORD to go deep because that is the only way to go high (eternal perspective). See what I am about to go through GOD has an eternal reason that I might not see in the temporal. That’s where his goodness and faithfulness trump my doubt and fear.

See this link on healing.

https://restoredbygrace.wordpress.com/2009/04/07/hard-lessons-in-life-consequences/