The problem with time….

 The statement has been made that time heals all wounds. I know that adage is out there but I find it a false statement. The problem is that time will pass and as more life comes at us we certainly may bury something very deeply. True healing comes from God and not the passage of time.  God’s word says in Isaiah that we are healed by Jesus stripes. As a matter of fact if something in our past is still affecting us, it may very well not be in our past. If a trigger can set off the emotions of an event as if it just happened yesterday or if reliving something can bring those emotions to the surface, that is a clear sign the healing that needs to take place hasn’t.  If we are still carrying the guilt and shame there’s work to be done.  I have experienced times in my life where I thought something was healed because it didn’t bother me daily only to find that an event could occur to trigger the pain. Much like poking someone in a cut or bruise. When the fruit of a painful event breaks ground the only way to stop that fruit is to find the root.


To be honest, there are people who are afraid to search that deep for real answers so they carry around the shame and guilt because it is easier. It becomes a normal that they are comfortable with. I used to do that myself. I know some of you are saying “how dare I say this” but at the same time you realize that it is easier to carry around the burden than to be vulnerable enough to let it go and grow.   This is why Jesus came to set the captives free. Sin brings shame and guilt that traps us in the past and robs us of our future. Jesus died to set us free. I am so thankful the truth sets us free! Truth is like a precious treasure.  Nothing made a difference in my life until I sought God’s heart. Everything else was pointless because it did not answer my soul’s desire for intimacy.


Now hear me on this. I haven’t “arrived yet” either. I am still growing and learning all that GOD has set up in his Word.  His Word is there to map my journey and there to help me have a sound mind and heart. To have the heart and mind of GOD as I learn of him and grow in Him is what keeps me sound.  I have come along way by very humbling circumstances but there’s still more to learn I am sure. I have experienced times in my life where I thought something was healed because it didn’t bother me daily only to find that an event could occur to trigger the pain. Much like poking someone in a cut or bruise. Last summer I had such an event and was hurt very deeply by someone I trusted more than I had ever trusted anyone.


 I share here in this forum some of my experiences. My hope is that readers will see that this race of life is a process of steps that should lead to the throne of God. Our quest leads us many times to find knowledge but not true wisdom. We miss God’s heart in search of knowledge and find emptiness that Solomon spoke of.  Knowledge is very empty. I know tons of stuff but if I act in a way contrary to what I know I have turned truth into a lie. 


So, what do I do with these two days in June that stick in my memory? I stopped asking GOD why a long time ago.  I stopped reliving that nagging question,  What if I had of done something different? After some time and work I healed and learned that I couldn’t have done anything to change what happened after those days. I can’t control free will of someone. I learned that life is full of choices and choices have consequences. There are two ways in this life. The temporal way of the world based on our own knowledge and experience as we journey here. . The eternal way of GOD that is based on the truth of His Word and heart for us.   When we take the temporal way we look back and see where we evaded the heart of God. If we have a broken path we will journey broken unless we work to get our baggage unpacked and healing in its place. We seek his forgiveness and move forward with the truth that sets us free. We make things right if we can and if we can’t we still have to live out God’s will and purpose for our lives.  To do less keeps us stuck in the past carrying guilt and shame that even GOD wouldn’t place on us or expect us to carry.  So, today that fruit of hurt and pain do not rear their ugly head trying to take me back to the root. I do not understand those two days  and the events that followed them. I don’t have to understand.  I know GOD’s answer is that HE is faithful.  He will journey with me through his WORD and lead me safely home. Trust HIM today and remember he said in Isaiah that we are healed by HIS stripes.  

Create in me a clean heart, My sin.

Create In Me a Clean Heart by Keith Green click here to listen.

I love the passage of Scripture that this song is based on. Psalms 51 I think verse 4 stands out to me. As I write and try to share my story I try to say things that are generally uplifting but there are times when I have to be real looking at myself. It would be easy to always let you see victory in my life but then if you looked beyond the praise you would see a person who is different than you read here in this blog. I am living in Christ victoriously but also like everyone, I sin. This is one of those hard post because it’s me just as I am behind the praise. I am seeking God’s will and was convicted about sin.

David had sinned with Bathsheba and it was pointed out to him. Psalms 51 was written after his adultery had been revealed. I watched the anatomy of his confession and see in this deep understanding of God’s character. The focus is not the adultery but the fact that any action that crosses the threshold of temptation to violate a holy, just, and merciful God is indeed sin.

I would love to say I never sin but that in of itself would be a sin. I would love to say nothing ever gets me down but again that would be a lie and you are getting the gist of what I am saying. I can’t justify my actions. I have recently been dealing with something and had come to a couple of realizations. I will only delve into one here. I am being tested. What I want to deal with in this post is my sin and God’s will. This particular time of sin happened several years ago. I can’t say at the time I didn’t know I was sinning, I did. I was surviving by rationalizing my actions. I am not going to go into what I did because it really doesn’t matter. Disobedience to God is disobedience to God. With sin it’s a most sizes fit all proposition. The bottom line is my sin was against a just, holy, God who has redeemed my soul. Because I did it willingly I did not feel Godly sorrow over it. I thought it was heinous that I couldn’t feel repentant. I was basing my life on what I was seeing around me at the time and a lot of people were naming the name of Christ doing the same thing. Does that negate my responsibility? IN NO WAY! I knew better, and I sinned anyway. I recently have had to deal with my transgression and seek the LORD to create a clean heart in me. I really want to love and serve my LORD with my whole heart. I can’t do that with a heart that is not clean and receptive to His leading. Whatever I cling to, whether it be sin, relationships, past or future fear, all of it gets in the way of His plan. I see my relationship to Him as the most powerful love of my life. Sinning against Him hurts me in many ways and He is clear about my sin in His Word. You would have to see where he brought me from to understand why the love of Christ constrains me. I want you to know that you have to deal with things to grow and heal. I had confessed other things to GOD since this sin but not this one. I think pride was part of it, and also denial. When I moved to Dallas, God orchestrated a lot of things in my life to heal me and draw me close to Him. How could a gal who loves the LORD so much do something so bad? How could I be digging into Scripture and prayer and not have told GOD I was sorry for my wrong doing. Why didn’t it bother me daily, why am I now dealing with something that happened years ago. I think it was that I had to see myself as sinful as I was and because of all the brokenness, I couldn’t see it and take care of it. I spent time in prayer seeking the LORD about another matter when it hit me head on. I had sins that had never been addressed. I spent today reflecting, repenting, and receiving forgiveness. Why would I write that here? For sure it’s humbling, but at the same time, there may be a reader who is struggling, who has something in their past that they think is so far past that it doesn’t matter. Maybe a lot has happened to them and their life is hard and they think that there is so much packed way down there is no hope. I don’t know what your story is, but I do know the answer is always to take these things to God. To me today it mattered. First when I realized it I saw myself in need of the only GOD who can forgive sin. I ran to Him. Secondly, it showed me how fragile my life is and how carelessly I can be with it and days can turn into years. Thirdly, and this is the one that brings tears, I am more free by the Truth of God’s WORD that says who I am in CHRIST as I face who I was. Freedom in CHRIST is priceless. It can’t be bought or sold. His Truth sets us free and reveals His character so that we can grow more like Him. .. Wretched sinner that I can be from grace to glory to glory. I love HIM! I am in awe that only HE can take us from disgrace to grace.

Psalms 51: 1Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 2Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. 4Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. 5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. 6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. 7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. 9Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. 10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. 11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. 12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. 13Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. 14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. 15O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. 16For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. 17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. 18Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem. 19Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.