Sitting here before you in this beautiful moment in awe and gratitude. There’s instrumental music playing, my lights are down low and my little corner of the world is cozy and warm.
There’s so much to be grateful for.
The most precious gift in life I have ever had are my two children who love the Lord and that have their Momma’s heart. My life has been filled with so many precious things. For 17 years I was able to teach some of the sweetest children on earth, for 20 years I was able to be a wife and for life I am a mom.
Being a mom is the greatest accomplishment of my entire life. I remember looking at my girls when they were born. It was so precious to watch them sleep and check a million times to see if they were breathing. They never knew I was even in the room. My heart ached when theirs did, and still does. I remember seeing my oldest singing from the hymnbook while sitting on her play gym outside the kitchen window. She was crying. When I asked her why she was crying her words were. “I’m singing so pretty I am blessing myself” I hid that in my heart. Knowing their journey now years later, it brings tears. My oldest is a thinker and her dreams have always been huge.
I remember my youngest and her sense of individuality. She loved big hats and her grandma gave her a few. I still see my little girl in the lunch line at school in those big floppy hats. It was her style and her statement. She was my hugger baby. She hugged everyone she met. My youngest is a romantic and her dreams are always about how she can love and serve others or be loved in return.
If I never do anything else in this life or have any blessings in the future, being a mom to Laura and Katie was my Super Bowl.
Teaching high school was such a fantastic privilege. I loved seeing the kids go on to serve the LORD and love him. I wanted the same things for them my own children had. I wanted them to know God’s love and perfect peace in the storms. I loved seeing their lives unfold and little families. Wow! How far many have come and how precious they have been. I will never forget 10 years ago getting about 60 letters on a very dark day in my life from each of them. They wanted to bless me with a waterfall of grace from their loving hearts because they cared. I still have those letters.
Being a wife was an honor. No matter how it ended I still wouldn’t have wanted to miss the journey. Planning, hoping, dreaming, loving, sharing and serving were exciting to me and I miss doing that. I miss decorating the house for every season and trying to make it a home. The laughter and love still echo in my heart. I still consider the privilege something to be thankful for.
All of the things above are great honors. I know that all that these things can all change in a moment. They did for me. Yet I am grateful and this moment is just about God catching me up on that gratitude. I love the verse James 1:17, It says every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness neither shadow of turning.
All of those things may change in our lives. People vary with their feelings and emotions from the damage this world slings on us. No one is immune and the losses are real and painful. Our Father doesn’t change and that is my peace. I know that whatever comes my way is good and perfect for me. I know he can even turn my tragedy into triumph. He can use my mistakes and make them a message. He can take my weakness and turn it into willingness and my sorrow into surrender.
He’s my Father and I trust him completely even when it doesn’t make sense to me. This is a time that life doesn’t make sense and I have perfect peace anyway. I guess that is because I know that I know that He loves me and cares beyond my own comprehension. Just as I checked on my daughter a million times to see if she was breathing, God says he holds my life in his hands and no one can take it. He’s always there for me.
I am thankful as he graciously blesses me with his perfect gifts. I may not see them right away. Life is just too precious to waste or wish away. Thank you Father for loving me. I love the song Hold Me Jesus and I love Phil Keaggy on the guitar as well. This is for anyone who is beginning the journey of divorce and who are ok on the outside but who are inside still falling off the cliff. Divorce challenges your faith and peace like nothing else can. My heart aches for you but I am a testimony that you will get safely home. There’s grace in the loving arms.